| abdicate | to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach |
|---|---|
| balderdash | a rapidly receding hairline |
| bustard | a very rude bus driver |
| carcinoma | a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog |
| circumvent | the opening in the front of boxer shorts |
| coffee | a person who is coughed upon |
| esplanade | to attempt an explanation while drunk |
| flabbergasted | appalled over how much weight you have gained |
| flatulence | the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller |
| gargoyle | an olive-flavored mouthwash |
| internet | the web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare President Bill Clinton |
| lymph | to walk with a lisp |
| Macadam | the first man on Earth, according to the Scottish bible |
| marionettes | residents of Washington, DC, who have been jerked around by the mayor |
| negligent | describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie |
| oyster | a person who sprinkles his or her conversation with Yiddish expressions |
| rectitude | the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he or she examines you |
| semantics | pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers |
| testicle | a humorous question on an exam |