SPRING 2003

From Wed, 15th Jan. 2003, parodying `The Wild Boys' by Duran Duran

the linguists are calling
on their way back to the bar
the wat'ring hole surrenders
to their parse-and-tagging mob
linguists wonder "where is glory?
where is decent funding?"
now that education's marked
and porter down at tattooed moms
is three dollars a pint.

they tried to break us
looks like they'll try again

linguists! never lose it
linguists! never chose this way
linguists! never close your eyes
linguists always shine!

From Tue, 28th Jan. 2003, parodying La Isla Bonita by Madonna

La ciudad frigida

Last night I dreamt of San Quizzo
Cold wind carried from the sea, she called to me
A young girl with eyes like the tundra
It all seems like yesterday, not far away

Bitter cold the city air
Chapping lips and freezing hair
Come play quizzo if you dare
La ciudad frigida
And when the game is done
The wind will howl so high
Ring through my ears and sting my eyes
Your arctic lullaby.

The following song is by Uri Horesh

From Wed 19th Feb. 2003, parodying "In the Ghetto" by Mac Davis (also performed by Elvis Presley).

As the snow melts,
On a red and blue West Philly evening
Another little Irish pub is full,
In West Philly.

And the linguists cry.

Cuz if there's one thing that they don't need,
It's another little linguist mouth to feed,
In West Philly.

Linguists, don't you understand?
A linguist is a thirsty man.
He's gonna drink a pitcher by himself someday.
Take a look at you and me.
Are we too dorky to see?
Or do we simply drink more beer
And look the other way?

Below continuing with compositions by Tom McFadden

From Wed 26th Feb. 2003, parodying `I put a spell on you', by Nina Simone, Screamin' Jay Hawkins, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds...

i put two dots on you
cause you're front rounded
you better stop the things you do
i ain't lying

hanging with those uvular Rs, messing around
you and that French accent, putting me down

i put two dots on you
cause your front rounded.

From Wed. 5th Mar. 2003, parodying `Love is a Battlefield' by Pat Benetar'

We are young,
Conf'rence to conf'rence we stand
LaTeX not powerpoint in hand
Linguistics Battlefield

We are strong,
Chomsky can't tell us we're wrong
Searching our corpus so long,
All of us knowing
Linguistics Battlefield

From Wed. 26th Mar. 2003, parodying `Where everybody knows your name' by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo, the theme song from the show `Cheers'

Making your way to the Ph.D takes everything you've got
Drinkin and cursin the margin lady with lots of glottal stops.

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go, where everyone reads IPA,
and they've heard of Na-Dene.
You wanna be where you can see, clitics run free and play,
You wanna go where everyone reads IPA.

You wanna go where people show, their allomorphs on display
You wanna go where everyone reads IPA.

From Wed. Apr 16th 2003, parodying `Anarchy in the UK' by the Sex Pistols

I am an antichrist
I am a ling-u-ist (three syllables; rhymes with antichrist)
I know what I want
and I know how to get it
I wanna destroy
Case theory cause I

I wanna be EPP

EPP for the LSA
It's coming sometime and maybe
I get irate and I demonstrate
Your future dream is a GB scheme but I

Wanna be EPP
In the city!

How many ways to get what you want
I use the best I use the rest
I use the enemy I use EPP cause I

I wanna be EPP

Is this the FDA?
Or is this the CIA?
Or is this the IPA?
I thought it was the LSA
Or just another learned soci'et'e

I wanna be a linguist
Get pissed destroy

The following contributions are by James Mesbur

From Wed, 9 Apr 2003, parodying Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2

Syntax Muddy Syntax

I can't believe the views today,
I can't hold the chalk and fake it one more day.
How long, how long must we write this wrong?
How long? Tonight Condition B has won.
Double objects under Larson=92s trees,
Certain movement violates subjacency,
But I won't heed the linguists=92call,
It puts my back up, puts my back up against the wall.

Syntax, Muddy Syntax.
Syntax, Muddy Syntax.

From Wed 23 Apr 2003, parodying O Canada

O Linguistics

O Linguistics
Our dear and faithful friend,
Penn keep us on,
Our degree will never end.

With glowing hearts
We see thee rise
The truth known only by we!

From far and wide
O Linguistics
We raise our chalk to thee!

Penn keep us on,
Til the end of time
O Linguistics
We raise our chalk to thee...
O Linguistics
We raise our chalk to thee...

And one by John Laury

From ca. Tue. 21st Jan. 2003, parodying `May It Be', the Enya song from Fellowship of the Ring

Drink it up - though your mom might look down upon you.
Drink it up - and when you fall, your friends will fall too.
You walk a crooked line.
O how full you are of beer.

Tua mater meretrix - drink up or you shall waste away.
Tua mater scortata - there's ethanol within you now.

Drink it up - our common sense will fly away.
Drink it up - and then be drunk till light of day.
When the ugly [guy/girl] looks hot,
You may rise and forget last night.

Tua mater meretrix - drink up and you shall find a way.
Tua mater scortata - there's ethanol within you now.
There's ethanol within you now.

FALL 2003 - sporadic contributions

This one is by Sophia Malamud

Thursday, September 11, 2003, parodying "It had to be you", by Isham Jones/Gus Kahn, performed by Sinatra and others

Why do I do just as you say?
Why must I just give you your way,
Branch by branch,
Interpreting up the tree?

It must have been that something Montague said,
Compositionality is the way,
I try to combine,
Just couldn't till the types matched.

It had to be true, it had to be true,
The functions I found, the lambdas that bound, the models I knew
Could make it be true, the tree that I drew,
The functional head that helped us to get it all to be true.

Some meanings I tossed might never be false,
Might mean the same thing, but they wouldn't do,
For nothing else came from a tree,
Compositionality is the key,
It had to be true, no wonder I knew, it had to be true!

This song is by James Mesbur

parodying "500 miles" by the Proclaimers

I'm gonna re-(but ECP)

When I bind it, yeah I know you're gonna see
You're gonna see the tree whose arguments are free
When I Extend, yeah I know you're gonna see
You're gonna see the tree who adheres to EPP

If I get drunk, yes I know you're gonna see
You're gonna see a linguist beggin' on his knees
And if I ask you, yeah I know you'll give the key
You'll give the key to a tree that's barrier-free

But I would rebut ECP
And I would present at PLC
Just to be the linguist who could say
That Noam Chomsky's had his day

Da-da dum-dum! Da-da dum-dum! Da-da dum-diddy-dum-diddy-dum-diddy-dum-dum-dum!!!

This one is by Michael Friesner

Thursday, October 30th, parodying "All the things she said" by T.A.T.U.

ALL THE T'S SHE SAID

All the t's she said
All the d's she said
Unreleased instead
Running through my head
Were they really said?
All the t's she said
All the d's she said
Were they flapped instead
Running through my head
Were they really said?
Is this glottalized?....

I'm in serious s***, I feel totally los'
If I'm asking for help, it's only because
List'nin' to Praat, mus' open my ears
Can I hear all the t's even through all my tears
I keep lis'ning again, a no or a yes
Can I tell if it's there if it's after an "s"
Want to find a program that will code this for me
So I'll know for sure if it's really a "t"
(So I'll know for sure if it's really a "t")

All the t's she dropped
All the d's she dropped
following a stop
All the t's she drop'
All the d's she drop'
After fricatives
After liquids, is
there a way to tell
when she says she "fell"
if she says she "fel' "
Is this homovoiced? (ya soshla s uma)
It's heterovoiced....

All the t's she said....

An' I'm all mixed up, is this syllable stressed?
Will I find good results, when I run Varbrul tests?
Would you think that in "went," it's a monomorpheme?
I could call this a glide, but the "y" doesn't seem
To behave like "h" or like "w"
I don't think I can call that just one factor group.
I should go back to /r/ in the department sto(r)e
Then all I had to code was how they said "fou(r)th floo(r)"

All the r's she said
All the r's she dropp'
When you're in the shop
You can hear it clear
Then we had no fear
All the t's she drops
All the d's she drops
Do the Varbrul run
Here's a knock-out group
Throws you for a loop...
Wasn't that a flap???... (ya soshla s uma)

All the t's she said....

When you listen for t
Tell me what do you see?
What results d'you find?
On token 853...
Will I ever be free?
Yes I've lost my mind!

All the t's she said
All the d's she said
Running through my head
I know what she said!
I know what she said!
They have got a drawl
Dem Southerners all
Have a strange accent
I know what they meant
I know what they meant!....
Dis is homovoiced.... (ya soshla s uma)....

All the t's she said....

SPRING 2004

This contribution is by Lukasz Abramowicz

Thursday, February 5th, parodying "Zoo Station" by U2 (from the album "Achtung Baby")

GB Station
---------------

I'm ready
Ready for the syntax stuff
I'm ready
Ready for what's next
Ready for minimalism

Ready to read
Ready to write
Ready to draw trees

I'm glad to be alive

I'm ready
Ready for the task

In a cold library room
On a sleepy winter day
I'll be playing around
With condition B and A

It's approaching fast... GB station
Got to get off on time... GB station

I'm ready
Ready for the problem set
I'm ready
To take it to the class

Ready for the binding
Ready for GC
Ready to get rid
Of SS and Structure-D

I'm ready
Ready for the task

Syntax, syntax, syntax, syntax, syntax (stress on 'tax')
IT's syntax... it's syntax... it's syntax... it's syntax
Hey baby... hey baby... hey baby... hey baby...
it's syntax
it's syntax

This Italian dataset
Turns passion into fear
Leaves you whining, weaping, cursing
In front of your computer screen

I'm just not gonna care... GB station
Have to leave it behind... GB station
I'm not getting closer... GB station
Gotta ignore it all right... GB station

Maybe I'll make it on time... make it on time... GB station
Just two pages away... GB station

Michael Friesner f/ Aaron Dinkin on background vocals

Thursday, February 19th, parodying Dean Martin's "That's amore" from the 1953 album "That's Amore: the best of Dean Martin" (featured in the movie "The Caddy")

When a tone hits a vowel, there's no reason to scowl
That's a mora
Then the tone has to spread, 'nless there's downdrift instead
That's a mora

Then the tone falls upon the phone, and I have to own that it has been shown,
May be contoured
Next is high, like the previous 'i', it's not specified, so the tone beside
Makes an encore

When the syllable's long, you might break into song
That's two moras
When the syllable's light, stress is far from the right
That's one mora

If you bet it's penultimate, suddenly you find that you're in a bind
It's word-final
Then you mull on the syllable, and you see it's full, there's nothing to cull
Moras double

If you find that VC won't behave like VV
There's one mora
Then you shan't be bereft, if stress falls farther left
There's one mora

Outcome 'll seem more plausible with a syllable extrametrical
That's allowed here
Then the feet come out really neat, didn't even cheat, didn't miss a beat
Hayes is proud here

When the syllable's long, didn't do nothing wrong
That's two moras
When the syllable's short, give this simple retort:
That's one mora

That's a mora

Two songs by Jonathan D. Wright

Thursday, April 15th 2004, parodying "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd

Happy Hour's Here

so, so you think you can tell,
DM from TAG,
adjuncts from heads.
can you tell a raised ae
from a mid front vowel?
a pin from a pen?
do you think you can tell?

and did they get you to trade
Latex code for Word?
hand drawings for Trees?
UG for Motherese?
prescriptivism for change?
and did you exchange
an abstract mode in the mind
for a real rule on the page?

now I'm glad, glad that Happy Hour's here,
we're just penn ling grads
drinking in a dive bar,
week after week,
going over the same old sounds
what have we found?
the same old squeaks,
Happy Hour's here.

Thursday, April 22th 2004, parodying "Natural Blues", covered/sampled by Moby

Syntactical Rules

ooh Chomsky, Syntax so hard,
ooh Chomsky, Syntax so hard.
don't nobody know my Syntax but God,
don't nobody know my Syntax but God.

moved up to Spec, the other day,
case got happy and agreed all day.
moved up to Spec, the other day,
case got happy and agreed all day.

ooh Chomsky, Syntax so hard,
ooh Chomsky, Syntax so hard.
don't nobody know my Syntax but God,
don't nobody know my Syntax but God.

went down to Comp, didn't move long,
'joined on the head and Spell-Out was fed.
went down to Comp, didn't move long,
'joined on the head and Spell-Out was fed.

More songs by Michael Friesner

Tuesday, April 27th 2004, parodying "Cold-Hearted Snake" by Paula Abdul

EMBEDDED V2

It's embedded V2
lookin' at the tree
oh, ah oh what is now in C?
I think it is doubly-filled
It don't play by rules
oh hoh, ah oh, don't take me for a fool, no

You're the one whose analysis
Only works for German
Then you turn your back and say that it's V2 without a Comp
You're the one who covers up
Anything displeasin'
Do you really think that this would be okay with Chom-

sky? --Embedded V2
lookin' at the tree
oh, ah oh maybe Spec(IP)
's where the topic will move to
Is that by the rules?
oh hoh, ah oh, maybe I'm a fool, no

It was only Icelandic
and Yiddish, don't panic
where we saw generalized V2 in an embedded clause
otherwise it's optional
in other Germanic
only certain matrix verbs can violate the laws

It's embedded V2,
lookin' at this version
oh, ah oh with CP recursion
It seems to fit all right
If it breaks the rules,
oh hoh, ah oh, don't say that I'm a fool, no

...Doubly-filled Comp's problem's relevant
...Should we listen now to Kroch?
...Though it's best, it's not so elegant
It's q-quite ad hoc...
It's q-quite ad hoc...
q-quite ad hoc
Stay away from Vikner???
q-q-q-quite ad hoc--ooh ah ah
q-q-q-quite ad hoc ssssyntax
q-q-q-quite ad hoc--ooh ah ah
q-q-q-quite ad hoc ssssyntax

It's embedded V2
lookin' at the tree
oh, ah oh what is now in C?
I think it is doubly-filled
It don't play by rules
oh hoh, ah oh, don't take me for a fool, no!

Thursday, May 20th 2004, parodying "(What A) Wonderful World" by Sam Cooke

Don't know much about phonology
Don't know much morphology
Don't know much about the syntax tree
Don't know much about the OCP

But I do know that I love Clubling
And at Happy Hour I can sing:
What a wonderful place this can be

Don't know much about lemmata
Don't know much about diglossia
Don't know much about the eye tracker
Don't know what a spectrogram is fer

But I know it's time for Happy Hour
And if linguists were all in power
What a wonderful world this would be

Now I don't claim I'm a syntactician
But I'm tryin' to be
'Cause maybe by bein' a good syntactician
I can disprove Chomsky

Don't know much about that centering
Don't know much historical ling
Don't know much about the IPA
Harpoon don't do it right anyway

But I do know that I love Clubling
So at Happy Hour I can sing:
What a wonderful place this can be!