Linguistic humor, Washington Post alternative definitions contest, 2007
- abdicate (v.),
- to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- balderdash (n.),
- a rapidly receding hairline.
- circumvent (n.),
- an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
- coffee (n.),
- the person upon whom one coughs.
- esplanade (v.),
- to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- flabbergasted (adj.),
- appalled over how much weight you have gained.
- flatulence (n.),
- emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by
- gargoyle (n.),
- olive-flavored mouthwash.
- lymph (v.),
- to walk with a lisp.
- negligent (adj.),
- describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door
in your nightgown.
- oyster (n.),
- a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
- Pokemon (n.),
- a Rastafarian proctologist.
- rectitude (n.),
- the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
- testicle (n.),
- a humorous question on an exam.
- willy-nilly (adj.),
And also these not-quite-words:
- escalefter (n.),
- someone who stands on the left side of the escalator, when he should
be standing on the right.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.),
- the belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and
gets stuck there.