Linguistic humor, Washington Post alternative definitions contest, 2007

abdicate (v.),
to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
balderdash (n.),
a rapidly receding hairline.
circumvent (n.),
an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
coffee (n.),
the person upon whom one coughs.
esplanade (v.),
to attempt an explanation while drunk.
flabbergasted (adj.),
appalled over how much weight you have gained.
flatulence (n.),
emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
gargoyle (n.),
olive-flavored mouthwash.
lymph (v.),
to walk with a lisp.
negligent (adj.),
describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
oyster (n.),
a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Pokemon (n.),
a Rastafarian proctologist.
rectitude (n.),
the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
testicle (n.),
a humorous question on an exam.
willy-nilly (adj.),

And also these not-quite-words:

escalefter (n.),
someone who stands on the left side of the escalator, when he should be standing on the right.
Frisbeetarianism (n.),
the belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.