Linguistic humor, Rules for writing good
- About those sentence fragments.
- Always pick on the correct idiom.
- Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
- And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
- Avoid alliteration. Always.
- Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
- Avoid cliches like the plague. They're old hat.
- A writer must not shift your point of view.
- Be more or less specific.
- Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
- Contractions aren't necessary.
- Corect spelling is esential.
- Do not put statements in the negative form.
- Don't be redundant and don't use more words than necessary or be
- Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
- Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
- Don't use no double negatives.
- Don't write run-on sentences, they are hard to read.
- Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
- Employ the vernacular.
- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
- Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
- Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular
nouns in their writing.
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
- Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
- If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
- If you reread your work, you can find on rereading that a great deal of
repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
- Its important to use your apostrophe's correctly.
- Just between you and I, case is important.
- Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
- Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
- One should never generalize.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
- Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as
of ten or more words, to their antecedents.
- Prepositions are terrible words to end sentences with.
- Proofread your writing to see if any words out and to avoid misteaks.
- Remember to never split an infinitive.
- Take the bull by the hand, and avoid mixing metaphors.
- The adverb always follows the verb.
- The passive voice is to be avoided.
- Understatement is absolutely, positively best.
- Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
- Verbs has to agree with their subject.
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
- Last, but not least, avoid cliche's like the plague. (They're old hat.)