Linguistic humor, Job evaluations


A photographic memory but with the lens over the cap.

He has knack for making strangers immediately.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.

This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.

This employee should go far–and the sooner he starts, the better.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

Lexical ambiguity

A gross ignoramus—144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.


Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

I would not allow this employee to breed.

Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.

He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.

He's been working with glue too much.

He would argue with a signpost.

He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

If you see 2 people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.

A prime candidate for natural deselection.

Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

Has 2 brains, one is lost, the other is out looking for it.

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000 other sperm.

One neuron short of a synapse.

Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.