Linguistic humor, Daffynitions

abdicate to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
balderdash a rapidly receding hairline
bustard a very rude bus driver
carcinoma a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog
circumvent the opening in the front of boxer shorts
coffee a person who is coughed upon
esplanade to attempt an explanation while drunk
flabbergasted appalled over how much weight you have gained
flatulence the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
gargoyle an olive-flavored mouthwash
internet the web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare President Bill Clinton
lymph to walk with a lisp
Macadam the first man on Earth, according to the Scottish bible
marionettes residents of Washington, DC, who have been jerked around by the mayor
negligent describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie
oyster a person who sprinkles his or her conversation with Yiddish expressions
rectitude the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he or she examines you
semantics pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers
testicle a humorous question on an exam