Linguistic humor, George W. Bush's Inaugural Address: The First Draft

My fallow Americans:

As I stand here today, looking out at this magnificent Visa, I think we can all agree that during this last election, we all saw Democracy in traction. But in the true spirit of our country, the American people have made their indecision plain. And now, our country is ready for a fresh, bipolar approach to gubmint.

We are all one family, all of us together -- white or wrong, black or right. And we must never forgive that. That is why my administration will be the Bush administration. Our new tax program will free the top ten percent from the burden of the lower ninety percent. As for Social Insecurity, I haven't done the arithmebatics, but I can say to you that we will never rest until we save our seniors, who are the backache of the nation.

We will also enact a system of choice as our education policy. And now that the election is over, I can call that choice what it really is -- school vouchers for rich white people who want to rescue their helpless kids from inner city schools.

We will increase defense spending until we are once again what we always have been the world's biggest deficit-spending super-power in the history of the world.

Surrounded as we are by terrorismists, we must always have a mixed metaphor to rely on, and a ready sword to light the path to peace. It is not only our fate; it is our destination, because we are the land of the home, and the free of the brave, and the last hate grope of freedom.

In confusion, let me say this: I will get things undone. I will untie the country. I will make it my business to always appeal to this country's better angles. And I promise you that, for the next four years, the principles of freedom and equality will get my undevoted attention.

Thank you, and God help America.