Source: Bush on crack, accessed 13 November 2000


AUSTIN, TX, NOVEMBER 11 - Assuming victory after a Florida recount gave him a slight lead over vice-president Gore, a confident George W. Bush began to make his White House cabinet selections. Bush and his wife Laura visited several home improvement and kitchen stores on Friday afternoon looking for the perfect fit.

"We're looking for something with a little more class than the current administration," said Bush referring to the White House kitchen as President Clinton has decorated it with bright purple cabinets bearing Elvis Presley's "TCB" Lightning-bolt logo. Bush liked the look of several cabinets, but seemed to have severe difficulty operating them. "I just can't get the hang of this open and close idea," Bush said. "Maybe that's why he never puts the toilet seat down," quipped the assumed First Lady.

Over the weekend Mr. and Mrs. Bush will continue to shop for home improvement and decorating items. "We need new rugs, a non-semen stained couch, a couple of gun racks, some nice new electric chairs, a plastic Virgin Mary statue for the front lawn, and definitely quite a few more cocktail glasses," said the Texas Governor.