Linguistic humor, Ambiguous recommendations

If you have to write a letter of recommendation for a fired employee, here are a few suggested phrases.

Lexical ambiguity
   For a chronically absent employee A man like him is hard to find.
For a dishonest employee He's an unbelievable worker.
For a lazy employee You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you.
For the office drunk Every hour with him was a happy hour.
Structural ambiguity
For a chronically absent employee It seemed her career was just taking off.
For a dishonest employee Her true ability was deceiving.
For a stupid employee I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.
For the office drunk He generally found him loaded with work to do.
Scope ambiguity
For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly.
For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled I can assure you that no person would be better for the job.
Other
For a lazy employee He could not care less about the number of hours he has to put in.
For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment.
For a stupid employee There is nothing you can teach a man like him.